He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
