the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize