I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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