Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
