Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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