it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
