There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
