Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
why do cheetos always look like penises
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Randomize
