somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize