it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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