Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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