how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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