my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
