In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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