Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
