i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
