how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
