Who did Billy Mays play for?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i drank out of a bidet.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
