i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
