we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
