apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
