He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
