I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
