Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
our cab driver is having phone sex.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
