dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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