you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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