Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize