you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
