I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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