Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My day in three words: secret purse cake
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
