Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
