Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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