I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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