just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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