then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
