Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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