Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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