I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
