Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
