Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
