I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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