i don't like sucking hair
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize