remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
