I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
