You don't have asthma, your pregnant
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
