Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
its liver damage thursday
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
