There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
