He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I currently don't understand fingers.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
