Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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