Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
