she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
