Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
