I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
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