I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
