I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
