I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
