dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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