Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We don't watch enough power rangers
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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