evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize