This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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