Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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