i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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