onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
