I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
