So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
