I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
