My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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