You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
